I found this business letter from The Sports Shop being sent to Mr. John Smith about uniforms he had ordered. And yes, I do think his use of formatting is is effective and appropriate in this situation. He wrote concisely and complete meaning he wrote exactly what needed to be said, nothing more and nothing less. It was very clear what was being said. He was very specific of what uniforms Mr. John Smith would be recieving including color, size, and what the actual clothing was. Also, the assitant manager from the The Sports Shop provided Mr. Smith with other information such as when the uniforms would be recieved. He noted to Mr. Smith that there have been previous delays with the deliveries, but then gave him another date that the uniforms will definitly be in by. For his closing, he left his contact information for if anything goes wrong or if they have any questions. Short, sweet, and to the point with all the right information.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I disagree with any business whose language on their website comes off to the reader as too formal. Me personally, I go on various websites everyday. If something is too complicated to read and too time consuming, I can guarantee you that I will not be going back on that site again. This will cause the business to do bad because no one is going to buy their products if they don't even want to go on their website. Businesses need to make their websites short, sweet, and to the point when talking to their customers. However, if the company's website only relates to other members of the business, who understand "business talk", then that would be okay to make the websites language formal or corporate-speak. One reason why businesses may still talk formal rather then casual is because the top management people have probably been in the business for so long that it comes naturally to them. They do not understand that other people cannot read these words/sentences as easily as they can. Basically companies need to understand that the only way to make money is through their customers. If their customers are not able to comprehend what products are trying to be sold, then I can guarantee you, not much will be sold and that business will not make any money.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The first problem that I noticed with the e-mail is the beginning paragraph. It is extremely unclear and way too technical. This already loses the readers attention. Besides this, the e-mail does not clearly state how this new process is going to work. The readers it applies to are going to be confused and might mess up. To make this attempt a little better, the writer should have simply sent everyone an e-mail saying here are the new guidelines for the new e-mail system and simply list them. Clear, simple, and to the point. Also, an extra tip at the bottom could consist of why they are changing the e-mail system and the benefits the new system provides.